She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
smell my finger.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
