I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize