...so i touched it.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
