11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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