Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
