Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
