also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
