Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
