mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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