MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
