just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize