woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
