I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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