Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
