my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
