I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
