I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
