Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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