i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
