I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
organizing the empties. That sober.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Green mimosas i think yes
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
