I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
