At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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