And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
