I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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