She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
