I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
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