Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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