whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize