I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
