is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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