Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
