Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
