when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
We smell like vodka and hangover
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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