I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
