Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
