i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
BRING THE BAGELS
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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