I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
