you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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