Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
