My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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