i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
