Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
