you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
