If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
