I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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