day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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