My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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