Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
don't judge my taste in strippers
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If I die, sorry about rent.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
