so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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