he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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