i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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