my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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