Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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