Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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