i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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