I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
