Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
