we have officially lost it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
