boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
