My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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