marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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