I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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